August 13 , 2004
Ohhhh! Friday the 13th!! Scary! MEEEEW!!!! Oh mew! I'm bad luck kitty!

Dear Wiccan,

You are an adorable kitty! Why do they blame you for things like stealing art supplies? Can't they see how cute you are with those pencils?
And those papers make such a nice bed! Maybe if they'd get you a nice scratching post, you wouldn't need to "borrow" those
things. Keep up the good work and keep reminding them who's boss!

A dedicated cat fancier


Mew! Shredded paper make for soft bed, yes. Ink taste funny though.

Dear Wiccy-kitty,

I have several questions:

1. I seem to have come across a flaw in the logic that "all cats hate dogs and vice versa." My sister recently acquired a kitten, Kelby (a.k.a. "Kamikaze Koneko"). After a few days we noticed something rather interesting: My Husky, Tiara, seemed to have adopted Kelby. The feeling appears to be mutual, as Kelby adores Tiara. What the hell?

2. How exactly do you plan on ruling the world? (this is relevant because I have a penchant for taking down evil overloards and possess immunities to cuteness)

3. This is not so much a question as a warning: My friend Charlie is acquainted with a half-bobcat by the name of Whiskers, who will definately stand in your way of world domination as he is already in possession of a power base.

May the Mew be with you.



Husky are cool dog, they are kitty puppy! Ever see Husky play with a ball or climb over couch? Kitty shall rule all and convert all that dare not oppose us and make all others quake in awe as we strike at their show laces! BWAHAHAHAAHAHA.

Oh great and powerfully cute lord wiccan i ask for your advise!

My life has become dull and routine! I need adventure! do you know any portals to another world?

also i fell the need, the need for SPEED! can you help me with that as well?

Thank you oh great lord Wiccan (knells to one nee and gives you a chocolate covered mouse)

Your fellow cat Csonic6
P.S is your fur natural black?


Read book, not only do they shred nice, they contain many words and worlds for you mind to explore. And yes, I not dye me fur... it is black naturally. o.0;

Dear Wiccan,

A friend of mine happens to have the ability to have conversations with his cat. Seeing as how i lack the knoledge of cat speak, is there a place where i can download KittyFish(TM) so i can understand what he's talking about?





No place yet for Kitty Fish (TM). Ask him to teach you the ways of the Mew for now.

Dearest Lady Wiccan,

First I want to thank you for your wise words yu have given over the last 9 Weeks 7 Times to your behatedth audience. May they all roast in hell for worshipping a cat, joining us bloodbartered souls who have nowhere else to go anyways. And Purgatory Barbecues are fun sometimes, although I'm not in big crowd stuff anyways and all those Popes always complain why they're here and junk.

Anyways, I will try to make this a weekly thing to do, but as in all stuff I do weekly, there may be several months delay whenever I am even too lazy to think of a good question for you, your catness.

Today, well, I got the final message to write you for the first time. Our all beloveth nightmare cat Nr. 1, Poe from http://nekothekitty.keenspace.com/ , was...adeopted...today. *SOB* Not even a link for a new site, he was just...taken. Look up the comic for the 8th of July. Parting in such style, but so full of sorrow is my heart that only the pain can be the reasn why somebody did that. Torturing me is a great hobby for all mankind.

My question to you, dearest caty Wiccan, is the following: Have you had your paws in this? Has Poe been taken to you, wonderful lady? Or is it, as I presume, just a disgustingly cowardous move of his creator not to follow the principles of this one cat? And if so, can you bring him back? Give him a safe haven for cruelty, ignorance and domination in you wnderful cradle that all of us enjoy so much to see?
For the one and only hope for your life, if I may say so, was, that you, one beautiful stormy winter night,marry this one Poe to fulfill the prophecy of felis domesticus negro: Thou when the two blackest of the felis unite in thee unholy bonds of marriage, thou shall the light of day itself plunge int the darkness of their furs and theirfore never shine the light of sun other than in the nights of solar eclypse. And
fear shall be planted in all living creatures hearts and thou shall beginn the endless doomsday of felis, and thee and thee of same blood shall dominate heavens and earth forevermore.

I vow to you in deepest regards and part to mourn the loss of Poe. Publishing this would be much appreciated, but a simple answer from your Kittyfish (tm) shall fulfill my desires totally. Next week, I will ask you about lizard grrlz-beings.

Aves les salutations en plus chalheureuses, je reste, chère chatoiselle, votre humble serviteur,



All kitty need home. The power of Mew compell people to love the kitty and send lonely one to good home. Maybe the Mew had an affect but I am magical kitty... I work in mysterious ways but a paw in this I had not.

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By John Joseco and Jamie MacKenzie
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